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User blog:Nikki Lee 1999/My terrible Karma
You all know that when I was on the wiki, I told you all that I had a child named Aatticus. It was terribly selfish of me and I am very very sorry. It isn't fair that you should have had to worry about me or give me attention that I didn't deserve. And now, it is very Karmic that I have a real baby on the way in late November or early December. When I was pretending, I treated it like it wasn't a big deal. I treated it like it was something that wouldn't effect much of my life. I wanted to seem like somebody who was brave and strong, but in reality I am not. I deserve this burden and I wouldn't be surprised if many of you didn't believe me this second time. I'm terrified and I don't know how to tell my mom. Apparently, she needs to know by the 12th. She needs to sign papers for me and Aubrey to be married so that she can live with me without getting into legal troubles. Aubrey's entire family knows, but nobody in my family does. It took me months to finally come out to my mother as a transexual, and I don't know how she is going to react to this, much bigger news. I'm becoming depressed over this. Not sad and suicidal like I was after the September incident, but just depressed. I'm starting to lose interest in things, that I used to like (like movies and music and stuff) because I guess I just wonder what the point is anymore. My future is very very uncertain. Expect I know that I am in deep deep shit and that my life is going to change forever. I just want to be able to tell my mom. I really really don't even know how to work up that kind of courage. I'm afraid that if I tell her, she will never let me sit down and relax without telling me that I need to get up and provide for my family. I am worried that my Stepdad won't want me to ever come to his house or see my little brothers because what I have done is "illegal" and he doesn't want to be associated with me. And I need to tell my mom sometime very soon. I have no idea where I will be, or what my life will be like 6 moths from now. I don't even know what my life will be like 10 days from now. I hate myself for worrying more about myself than about my child and how I will take care of them. But I do really love my child just like I always said I loved Aatticus. Our child will be named Athena if she is a girl or Mordecai if he is a boy. The good news is everybody in Aubrey's family is incredibly nice and supportive. There's almost no chance I will get in trouble from one of them. If anybody will press charges against me, it would be an official from C.P.S. That is why me and Aubrey will be married, so that doesn't happen. I am just really sorry and I don't want to be a bad person or make anybody think I am attention seeking, I would just really like emotional support. Category:Blog posts